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Being the father you may wish you had
Church in the Community - Media Release in the Herald: 6 February 2023
Source: TCN / Brian Helsby
Date Added: 2023-02-06
Category: General News, TCN News, Issues - General, Issues - Parenting,
Date Added: 2023-02-06
Category: General News, TCN News, Issues - General, Issues - Parenting,
Your relationship with your father is a difficult and often painful subject for many. The reasons vary and are complex.
Are we all defined to doom and gloom by complex daddy issues?
Research tells us that over 60% of South African children grow up without a biological father in the home.
And too often, even when there is a father in the home, he is not that active and present.
When children have an active and present father, they have so many advantages over those who don’t.
It is a privilege to be a child who has the gift of not only a loving mother, but a father who loves and cares for them.
As we read scripture, we see that this is God’s heart for families.
Ask anyone the question, “do mothers matter?” and the answer will be a resounding “yes” or “obviously!”
Then ask the question, “do fathers matter?” and you’ll probably get a range of answers. Some might be positive, but most will be undecided or outright negative.
Children who grow up without positive and active fathers are at great risk of a number of health and academic challenges and are open up to vulnerabilities such as addiction and abuse.
They are also more likely to suffer from mental illness or become victims or perpetrators of violence GBV.
The “Fathers Matter” project of Helplines was developed to understand and address just such issues.
Fatherhood is a difficult, painful subject for many men. They may have had a bad or non-existent relationship with their own fathers, or they face challenges in their relationships with their children – or the mothers of their children.
Using Fathers Matter materials, groups of men all over South Africa – in churches, prisons, homes and social clubs – are beginning to meet together to deal with their hurt and find ways to show up for their children.
One of the primary factors contributing to the fracturing of families is the long history of migrant labour practices and apartheid spacial planning, which meant that many men themselves grew up without the presence of a positive male role model.
South Africa’s skyrocketing unemployment rate is also a problem for fathers as many feel they are only able to be part of their children’s lives when they are providing enough financially.
One of Heartlines’ research participants described feeling like “just an ATM” when it came to his involvement in his children’s lives.
In reality, there is so much more that fathers can offer their children.
From being involved in the practical aspects of caring for children and helping out around the house, to learning about their children’s interests and listening to them, men can have a hugely positive influence.
Single mothers across South Africa are doing an incredible job of raising children, often with very limited resources and support, but they should not have to do it alone.
For fathers to be involved, they don’t have to live in the same house as their child’s mother.
Research has shown that it is a father’s level of involvement, rather than parents living together, that has positive outcomes like higher levels of sociability, self-control and confidence in children.
The good news is that even if a child’s father is not interested in, or able to be around, other men can play a huge role in being present and involved in a child’s life.
Whether it’s an uncle, grandfather, pastor or community leader, good male role models can boost children’s likelihood of avoiding the risk factors that come from growing up without a present father.
It is important for men to create safe spaces where they can help each other to be better fathers.
As a Fathers Matter workshop participant Mandisi Johanse explains, talking to other fathers and sharing experiences “shed light on what other fathers were experiencing and made me feel less alone on my journey”.
Heartlines has also produced six films about fatherhood in South Africa that were broadcast on SABC 2.
These films are now available on the Heartlines YouTube channel.
They aim to help spread the message about how and why it matters for fathers to show up, and facilitate a national conversation about fatherhood. Discussion guides are also available.
For more information, visit www.fathersmatter.org.za or email to info@heartlines.org.za
Brian Helsby
Strategist at Heartlines
Are we all defined to doom and gloom by complex daddy issues?
Research tells us that over 60% of South African children grow up without a biological father in the home.
And too often, even when there is a father in the home, he is not that active and present.
When children have an active and present father, they have so many advantages over those who don’t.
It is a privilege to be a child who has the gift of not only a loving mother, but a father who loves and cares for them.
As we read scripture, we see that this is God’s heart for families.
Ask anyone the question, “do mothers matter?” and the answer will be a resounding “yes” or “obviously!”
Then ask the question, “do fathers matter?” and you’ll probably get a range of answers. Some might be positive, but most will be undecided or outright negative.
Children who grow up without positive and active fathers are at great risk of a number of health and academic challenges and are open up to vulnerabilities such as addiction and abuse.
They are also more likely to suffer from mental illness or become victims or perpetrators of violence GBV.
The “Fathers Matter” project of Helplines was developed to understand and address just such issues.
Fatherhood is a difficult, painful subject for many men. They may have had a bad or non-existent relationship with their own fathers, or they face challenges in their relationships with their children – or the mothers of their children.
Using Fathers Matter materials, groups of men all over South Africa – in churches, prisons, homes and social clubs – are beginning to meet together to deal with their hurt and find ways to show up for their children.
One of the primary factors contributing to the fracturing of families is the long history of migrant labour practices and apartheid spacial planning, which meant that many men themselves grew up without the presence of a positive male role model.
South Africa’s skyrocketing unemployment rate is also a problem for fathers as many feel they are only able to be part of their children’s lives when they are providing enough financially.
One of Heartlines’ research participants described feeling like “just an ATM” when it came to his involvement in his children’s lives.
In reality, there is so much more that fathers can offer their children.
From being involved in the practical aspects of caring for children and helping out around the house, to learning about their children’s interests and listening to them, men can have a hugely positive influence.
Single mothers across South Africa are doing an incredible job of raising children, often with very limited resources and support, but they should not have to do it alone.
For fathers to be involved, they don’t have to live in the same house as their child’s mother.
Research has shown that it is a father’s level of involvement, rather than parents living together, that has positive outcomes like higher levels of sociability, self-control and confidence in children.
The good news is that even if a child’s father is not interested in, or able to be around, other men can play a huge role in being present and involved in a child’s life.
Whether it’s an uncle, grandfather, pastor or community leader, good male role models can boost children’s likelihood of avoiding the risk factors that come from growing up without a present father.
It is important for men to create safe spaces where they can help each other to be better fathers.
As a Fathers Matter workshop participant Mandisi Johanse explains, talking to other fathers and sharing experiences “shed light on what other fathers were experiencing and made me feel less alone on my journey”.
Heartlines has also produced six films about fatherhood in South Africa that were broadcast on SABC 2.
These films are now available on the Heartlines YouTube channel.
They aim to help spread the message about how and why it matters for fathers to show up, and facilitate a national conversation about fatherhood. Discussion guides are also available.
For more information, visit www.fathersmatter.org.za or email to info@heartlines.org.za
Brian Helsby
Strategist at Heartlines
Source: TCN / Brian Helsby
Date Added: 2023-02-06
Category: General News, TCN News, Issues - General, Issues - Parenting,
Back to News IndexDate Added: 2023-02-06
Category: General News, TCN News, Issues - General, Issues - Parenting,
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