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Ensuring that children have a sense of belonging
Church in the Community - Media Release in the Herald: 30 January 2023
Source: TCN / Mandy Hart
Date Added: 2023-01-30
Category: General News, TCN News, Issues - General, Issues - Parenting,
Date Added: 2023-01-30
Category: General News, TCN News, Issues - General, Issues - Parenting,
Parenting is a high calling and a worthy pursuit. It is here, in family, that our children first learn about who they are and their place in this world.
When I became a mom, I didn’t know much. We drove home from the hospital at around 40km/h, wide-eyed and, frankly, a little terrified.
But, this we did know. We wanted to raise our children to know that they were loved unconditionally, secure in their identity and where they could come home to at the end of a day.
Our identity determines where we belong, and how you see yourself in this world. It is shaped by early experiences in life, culture, relationships, media, and the narrative you hear as you grow up. Everyone is faced with identity questions. It is part of life.
Our children need to be able to answer questions such as: “Who am I? Where do I fit into this world and who do I belong to?”
The problem is that many of us form our identity around what we do and not necessarily who we are. For example, I am an athlete. But, what happens when you get injured and can no longer compete as an athlete?
Identity is also linked to the thought of being an image bearer; it’s a close affinity or likeness to something or someone else. A favourite Bible passage of mine is Ephesians 2:10 (TPT): “We have become his poetry, a re-created people that will fulfil the destiny he has given each of us, for we are joined to Jesus, the Anointed One. Even before we were born, God planned in advance our destiny and the good works we would do to fulfil it!”
I’ve heard it said that your identity (or lack of it) is the core of most of your problems in life.
If you are sure of who you are and what you are meant to do, you can live with boldness and courage. Through the years of raising your children, help them become ‘comfortable in their own skin’.
Our children thrive on feelings of belonging; in fact, every human being thrives on belonging which is a valid human need. Think about it, when we belong somewhere, it means that we have received acceptance.
This sense of belonging is something that many people crave and long for and search for in so many different ways. If we want to help our children feel like they belong, then we need to create a safe place at home.
Did you know that the quality of our family relationships is more important for our children’s wellbeing than the size or the composition of the family unit? Throughout the years that you have your children in your home, make an effort to enhance the quality of your relationship with each child.
Every child is so different that you cannot love them the same way, and you cannot create in them a sense of belonging in the same way.Brene Brown reinforces this by saying, “A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.”
If we want our children to experience the security of belonging, we must remember that it starts at home. A few of the ways that we can model this for our children is by understanding and accepting the differences in others.
We model building warm and trusting relationships within the family and with others. We take time to play with our children — and we do so in an undistracted way.
In the movie, Toy Story, Andy etches his name on the foot of his toys. All the other toys know that those belong to Andy.
They take pride in whose they are. What about us? Whose are we? Where do you we belong and where is our place in this world? Remind your children that it’s not what they know, but who they are — and that matters more. Remind them that they are loved. They are wanted. They are accepted and that they belong, just by being themselves.
Desmond Tutu commented, “You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.”
We need each other. Sadly, the decline in family structures means that many children are growing up without knowing the love and acceptance they need.
I know that the Lord wants to restore families. It is something we keep praying for, pursuing and speaking into. Let us keep hope alive and pursue raising a generation who value family.
It is possible!
Mandi Hart
Author, speaker and mother who has written a number of books on parenting.
When I became a mom, I didn’t know much. We drove home from the hospital at around 40km/h, wide-eyed and, frankly, a little terrified.
But, this we did know. We wanted to raise our children to know that they were loved unconditionally, secure in their identity and where they could come home to at the end of a day.
Our identity determines where we belong, and how you see yourself in this world. It is shaped by early experiences in life, culture, relationships, media, and the narrative you hear as you grow up. Everyone is faced with identity questions. It is part of life.
Our children need to be able to answer questions such as: “Who am I? Where do I fit into this world and who do I belong to?”
The problem is that many of us form our identity around what we do and not necessarily who we are. For example, I am an athlete. But, what happens when you get injured and can no longer compete as an athlete?
Identity is also linked to the thought of being an image bearer; it’s a close affinity or likeness to something or someone else. A favourite Bible passage of mine is Ephesians 2:10 (TPT): “We have become his poetry, a re-created people that will fulfil the destiny he has given each of us, for we are joined to Jesus, the Anointed One. Even before we were born, God planned in advance our destiny and the good works we would do to fulfil it!”
I’ve heard it said that your identity (or lack of it) is the core of most of your problems in life.
If you are sure of who you are and what you are meant to do, you can live with boldness and courage. Through the years of raising your children, help them become ‘comfortable in their own skin’.
Our children thrive on feelings of belonging; in fact, every human being thrives on belonging which is a valid human need. Think about it, when we belong somewhere, it means that we have received acceptance.
This sense of belonging is something that many people crave and long for and search for in so many different ways. If we want to help our children feel like they belong, then we need to create a safe place at home.
Did you know that the quality of our family relationships is more important for our children’s wellbeing than the size or the composition of the family unit? Throughout the years that you have your children in your home, make an effort to enhance the quality of your relationship with each child.
Every child is so different that you cannot love them the same way, and you cannot create in them a sense of belonging in the same way.Brene Brown reinforces this by saying, “A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.”
If we want our children to experience the security of belonging, we must remember that it starts at home. A few of the ways that we can model this for our children is by understanding and accepting the differences in others.
We model building warm and trusting relationships within the family and with others. We take time to play with our children — and we do so in an undistracted way.
In the movie, Toy Story, Andy etches his name on the foot of his toys. All the other toys know that those belong to Andy.
They take pride in whose they are. What about us? Whose are we? Where do you we belong and where is our place in this world? Remind your children that it’s not what they know, but who they are — and that matters more. Remind them that they are loved. They are wanted. They are accepted and that they belong, just by being themselves.
Desmond Tutu commented, “You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.”
We need each other. Sadly, the decline in family structures means that many children are growing up without knowing the love and acceptance they need.
I know that the Lord wants to restore families. It is something we keep praying for, pursuing and speaking into. Let us keep hope alive and pursue raising a generation who value family.
It is possible!
Mandi Hart
Author, speaker and mother who has written a number of books on parenting.
Source: TCN / Mandy Hart
Date Added: 2023-01-30
Category: General News, TCN News, Issues - General, Issues - Parenting,
Back to News IndexDate Added: 2023-01-30
Category: General News, TCN News, Issues - General, Issues - Parenting,
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